Personal Statement re: Recent incidents in the Black Abolitionist Community in D.C.

On Friday and Saturday, February 26th and 27th, 2 posts were shared on Instagram from members of the Black abolitionist community in DC regarding patterns of abuse and harm by leadership, specifically individuals named Justin and Michael. As some of you may know, I’ve had proximity to both of these individuals thru organizing and on some level personal friendship. This has led to people asking those with proximity to these individuals to ask them to be held accountable. This post is going to be very long, and is going to discuss quite a bit, so I’ve broken it down into parts.

.Response to the post & my involvement in an attempt at accountability
.Specific situation I was witness to and involved in
.Harms and Abuse I either personally witnessed/experienced in the community or have been made public by others
.My personal feelings on the idea of an accountability and consent committee
.Call for Transformative Justice and healing that would include the whole community, and what that means to me
.Acknowledgment of personal culpability and apology
.Restating call for healing and transformative justice

.Response to the post & my involvement in an attempt at accountability

I’ll start with what I feel is most important first: I support the people who have come forth with their experiences. After reading the post in full and sitting with it for some time, I advised M that I would no longer feel comfortable organizing with them without them at least going thru some sort of qualifiable accountability process for the harms they caused. I have not spoken to Justin privately yet, but I can at least say I do not feel comfortable organizing with them and am unsure what it would take to make me feel comfortable with that idea again, at this time. I do not know if either of them plan to address these allegations publicly, but hope they remain willing to engage in a process focused on healing those who have been harmed, and preventing it from happening again.

Full disclosure: In recent weeks, I was present for one the attempts at an accountability process with M, on M’s behalf, mainly due to concerns about the process and how it was presented, but not the claims. This process was initiated based on a request from members of the Accountability and Consent Committee (which will be referred to as the ACC interchangeably throughout this post). Before agreeing to be a part of the call, I asked M specifically if there was anything I should know about the statements that were made and if there was more to the situation than what I had been told by them, and others. They said there was not. I assured them this was for the protection of both of us, and asked if they were sure there was nothing else I should know. They said there was not. Whether or not this was intentionally misleading, this was not the case.

I had stated before joining the call that my perspective was not one related to the statements and claims of abuse that were made, but the request for an accountability process as it had been presented. This was not out of support for M’s position, but from my own transformative justice principles regarding accountability processes. My partner and I had written up a series of questions related to specific parts of the document as it had been presented, not to attack those who created it, but to seek clarity and understanding about the nature of the process and the principles that informed it. M decided it would be best for them not to speak at this time, so as not to lose focus of the point at hand, and I agreed. They had asked me what I thought of everything that was happening. I had told them no matter what their personal perspective was, clearly they had done something that caused others to feel enough pain to seek this process, and that we should be willing to hear what they have to say after addressing the concerns that had been brought up. I agreed to be on the call with M, along with a few others on M’s behalf. Once the call began, I had tried to make the point that we couldn’t begin the work of an accountability process without addressing some concerns first.

The call is a little fuzzy, as it quickly became chaotic. I remember at some point we had agreed to present the questions and concerns to the ACC to be addressed before being able to engage in the process in good faith. Shortly afterwards, M and others responded to a statement that was made, and the call descended into a yelling match. I was made to feel increasingly uncomfortable by M and others on the call on their behalf, as well as members of the Accountability and Consent Committee throughout the duration of the call. I felt so uncomfortable with the whole thing once it was over that I no longer agreed to be involved in the process on M’s behalf, and also did not feel comfortable with sharing the questions I had presented with the ACC as an individual, as I did not feel safe with either group. M’s behavior on social media after the fact became even more concerning, and I began to have questions about their engagement with any accountability process.

In a private discussion I had with a comrade on 2/19 (who was in conversation with members of the ACC about the situation) I asked if I should come to the ACC as an individual to talk about my concerns and also about how we could all collectively facilitate a healing process for the community, I was advised it would be best to distance. Those were my only communications with anyone regarding this process and the claims that had been made. I have not been contacted in any manner as part of any accountability process regarding any statements or input on the claims that have been made. The only other contact and discussions I had about an accountability process for M were earlier discussions around a situation I was involved in/witness to prior to the current process by the ACC being presented.

.Specific situation I was witness to and involved in

I personally witnessed and was involved in a series of events that falls under the “patterns of Anti-Blackness” section of the post.

I am unsure of the complete nature of this story, as it involves many people and can only speak for my side and involvement. I can say that I witnessed and was made aware of threats of abuse towards Black people in the movement by a specific individual. At another event days later multiple community members, including M, were welcoming and supporting of this person, although I knew they had been contacted privately about their behavior. I can’t speak any further to a specific interaction I witnessed to preserve anonymity of those involved. I can say that the reaction from M was most surprising and immediately hurtful; however, the continued support of the individual who threatened abuse by other members of the community continued to make me uncomfortable.

Shortly after this event, I worked with other members to write a statement on behalf of those who had experienced harm. M was not a part of this process, until the end, when they ultimately shared the post along with other members of the community. M shared this post with a caption stating they made the decision, making it seem as if they had written the post. Members of the community immediately advised them that they thought it would be best to remove the caption. The caption remained unchanged.

This all led to an event where organizers, including M, were publicly threatened by members of another organizing group, EARLs. I was on a separate call with members of a private group chat as we all were discussing the situation which ultimately unfolded into an argument. I left this call to speak with M for several hours about what had happened. I told them how I disagreed with their perspective on many things, but agreed that more harm than good had ultimately been spread and that more care could have gone into how the post was shared, by everyone involved. When I tried to discuss this with other members who had experienced harm by M, they stated they didn’t want to speak with them any further on the matter, which is entirely valid and fair, as it was up to them to determine how they wanted to approach the situation. In conversations that preceded and followed this event, many things began to be disclosed to me about M, as well as others involved in TTC and FTP spaces that were no longer present.

I was advised that I should leave TTC and FTP spaces, but stated I would stay because I believed in the work that was happening and wanted it to continue. I also stated I would stay because if I were to find out that the spaces were as problematic and harmful as had been claimed, walking away wouldn’t help reduce or keep people from harm, and wanted to be an active part in transforming the space into a more loving place. Whether this was the right choice or not is not for me to say, but it’s the choice I made based on what I believe in, and I stand by it. I was asked to assist with de-escalation work, and based on what I had seen in the space and what I had seen firsthand facing white supremacists, I believed there was a need for that work, especially from a more radical lens. Additionally, At least one member of EARLs would continue to show up at direct actions, spaces for community, and online to initiate conflict and threaten Black people in the space, with M being the primary target.

.Harms and Abuse I either personally witnessed/experienced in the community or have been made public by others

I have to tell my whole truth, and speak to why I did not feel a strong sense of community with others in the movement. These are all things that I either witnessed/experienced personally, or was made aware of thru public posts online.

Throughout this entire time, I had also witnessed and been made aware of several situations involving other Black members of the organizing community in DC including:

• Misappropriation of funds by multiple orgs and individuals
• Internal Claims of abuse and co-opting of labor being made public
• Statements of xenophobia, including, but not limited to, “I think in an American movement for Black liberation we should be centering Black American lives,” “You’re Latinx, not Black” (and other variations with other Afro-ethnicities), and the public questioning of an indigenous person’s positionality to speak in a movement space.
• Statements of anti-Blackness, including but not limited to the questioning of mine, and others, Blackness due to partial white parentage. I would like to make the point that race in America is a result of genotype but is enforced based on phenotype, or physical features that other you in society and determine how you are perceived and able to interact with others in your society. Features including but not limited to combinations of the following: Brown skin, big lips, wide nostrils, curly/textured hair, body shape and structure, dialectical speech, mannerisms, and other ways ruling social classes try to other us.
• Publicly claimed support for abusers, even after statements had been released regarding the harm they caused, including statements such as “I don’t care what that post says, you’re MY friend. Fuck that post!” and “That’s not the person *I* know.”
• Allegations of physical abuse, including threats of assault and at least one threat of urinating on another in the movement space.
• Personally experienced intimidation and threats of assault from multiple individuals as a result of standing up for Black femmes that had been threatened.
• Personally experienced my labor, along with others, being co-opted for a direct action
• Action-policing: leadership berating individuals at a demonstration for not being aggressive enough, despite previous agreements that had been made by those present with members of the community.
• Tone-policing: leadership pausing marches to attempt to call out and berate others for their specific wording during chants not being radical enough.
• Transphobia: Violence and threatened violence against trans and enby femmes. Hateful use of slurs. Using rhetoric that claims to center Black Trans folx while misgendering and othering them. Refusal to acknowledge trans women as women, saying “that’s that gay shit.”
• Fatphobia: consistently shaming others of opposing ideologies (fascists, white supremacists, police) using their bodily appearance, despite many comrades sharing similar features and body types. Personally feeling uncomfortable that my appearance would be used to attack me if I was ever on the wrong side of people who claimed to be together in the movement.
• Ableism: Multiple statements from various members of leadership telling people at marches to speed up. Justifying these calls by stating they had asked for those who were differently abled or walking at slower pace to come to the front to set the pace, and if they chose not to that was their fault.
• Multiple requests for accountability from groups or individuals that have been made public but gone publicly unacknowledged.

.My personal feelings on the idea of an accountability and consent committee

In addition to these things, one of the things that made me feel most uncomfortable was the formation and idea of the Accountability and Consent Committee. *This is not a statement of harm by anyone in the ACC, merely my personal feelings over its formation and my hesitance to speak with them.* I can’t hold others to standards based on principles I’m not sure they share, so I can only speak from my personal perspective. In my mind, an accountability and consent committee consists of everyone in the community and is not a separate entity that has members. The ACC was formed during a call that not all members of the activism community were aware of, and proceedings within the ACC have largely been private and asked to remain confidential until they were ready to disclose their processes and actions, publicly. This immediately felt like specific individuals had decided who was and was not part of the activist community and therefore eligible to be a part of this committee. Additionally, their processes and the qualifications/expertise of their members to do third-part accountability work have yet to be released. Again, I cannot hold others to standards I’m not sure they share, but for my abolitionist principles this felt, and feels, exclusionary and secretive in a way that I do not feel can lead to transformative outcomes. I don’t think this is an issue of people who are a part of the committee, by any means. I just don’t think there should ever be any sort of separate committee around this work in community movements, and should instead incorporate the entire community. I also believe if there is a group looking to facilitate third-party accountability processes, its fair to ask what their process is, the principles that inform their process, and the qualifications/expertise of those in the group to be doing this work. I don’t think there are perfect answers to those questions, but I think the community should receive those answers in the interest of transparency and being able to engage consentfully and willfully in any process. I’m not purporting these beliefs to be correct, only sharing my perspective.

With all of that being said: I know this is not a bad community and we are not bad people. We have the potential to do bad and horrible things to each other, but by and by I don’t think we’re bad people. For the most part, I think we’re damaged people doing our best to navigate this world and often failing to do each other justice. I don’t feel a need to specifically name and out each individual who I’ve witnessed do the previously mentioned things, because I think that will ultimately cause more harm and detract from my intentions: I am not trying to out or vilify anyone — I’m making a statement of how tangled this web has become for people caught in the middle, and hoping for collective healing, and transformative justice.

.Call for Transformative Justice and healing that would include the whole community, and what that means to me

I wrote this entire post to get to this point. We’ve put so much of ourselves into this work, and have given so much to accomplish truly great things. I surely know it hasn’t all been bad. If I were to list all of the beautiful things I’ve witnessed in the space I would write and cry tears of joy for days on end. I truly believe the work that The Palm Collective, Freedom Fighters DC, Total Liberation Collective, Good Trouble Co-Op, Occupy DC 202, Until Freedom Organizing, Kyanite Kitchen, Remora House, Guns Down Friday, BLM DC, and too many other orgs to name are doing is absolutely phenomenal. The same way that I believe, and continue to believe in the work done in Hotdin and FTP mutual aid. I believe that there is a true desire for healing and for the community to be more whole. I’d like to believe that we all share the same principles of unity, that people aren’t disposable, and we can attempt to work radically and lovingly to resolve issues of harm and abuse.

For me, Transformative Justice is an abolitionist principle that understands violence is cyclical and perpetual, which means we need to be active in breaking the cycle, and the conditions that allow it to continue. While we are abolitionists, we are not perfect, and are unlearning the ways we’ve been taught to hurt each other by white supremacy, patriarchy, capitalism, mass incarceration, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, imperialism, and settler-colonialism. I believe that all people have the capacity to cause harm, but I also believe that we can work to create the conditions where those that have caused harm can stop, and learn and grow, and take accountability, and begin to heal some of the damage they’ve done. I believe that the transformative justice processes and actions we seek should not cause more harm, including harm on the periphery that we may not have considered.

After reflecting for a long time, it’s my opinion that the way the post made about Jordan was shared and written did not reduce harm, and actively caused more harm to spread in the community. I don’t think Michael’s caption helped the situation, but think even if it was changed the post still was likely to spread harm, and I am partially responsible for that. Similarly, I don’t believe the way in which the posts shared by members of the Black abolitionist community was given enough care so as to reduce harm to people not involved in the situation, such as the community members who receive meals and supplies as part of TTC and DCP’s mutual aid efforts. I can’t speak to whether or not these conversations were had, only the impact and outcome of how the posts were shared.

While it is critical in transformative justice processes to be honest about the harms that others have caused, I believe it’s essential to be honest about the harms we have caused or enabled ourselves as individuals and as a community — because transformation comes from within, not out. While I’ve informed my perspective reading the work of people like Adrienne Maree Brown and Mia Mingus, my lived experience consistently pushes and challenges me to embody this belief, even when I am angry and seeking retribution.

.Acknowledgment of personal culpability and apology

On that note, I need to speak to personal culpability. I haven’t been my best self in this entire situation, and can’t deny my own actions that may have damaged or impacted attempts at unity. I have used inflammatory and disparaging language and rhetoric privately and publicly regarding other groups and individuals in organizing spaces. Additionally, in regards to behaviors I witnessed M engage in that I felt were problematic, I have to acknowledge that I could have, and should have, done more. I had stated that I would push M to reach out and go through an accountability process after things with white supremacists weren’t so urgent, and I failed too. I am not sure to what degree people who were affected by my actions or lack thereof would like me to be accountable, but I am willing to have those conversations. Not that it matters, but it is something I’d like to share: I can point to a specific time where my demeanor and behavior began to dramatically.

After November 14, 2 clips where I could be visually identified acting in opposition to Trump supporters and Proud Boys were taken by a Far-right reporter, that went on to go viral with millions of views and were embedded in articles on right-wing media. I became increasingly concerned for my safety, and mainly my family’s, after multiple individuals in my life, including co-workers and my manager, asked me about the clips in question. This fear culminated when people wearing visible right-wing emblems and insignias showed up at my place of work, often by themselves. I withdrew into an incredibly isolative state-of-mind, scrubbing my online presence and using a variety of pseudonyms in conversation with community members to protect my identity. This incident combined with other experiences I had witnessed in the activist community made me feel like there were not many safe spaces I had access too.

Right at the beginning of January, I also started to lose multiple close friends and family in my life, as recently as this past week. (I’m not looking for sympathy, only to explain where I’m coming from.) The grief I’ve been experiencing compounded with everything else in life has put me into a significant depression, where I often resort to avoidance as my main method of handling conflict or issues. I hadn’t heard anyone talking about things that had happened before Jan. 6th, and hadn’t been around as much as I was trying to heal my heart and mind. This period continued to extend as I continued to lose loved ones, and I continued to avoid talking with anyone about solving these problems, although I had been thinking about it.

This was wrong.

We know the saying, “Hurt people hurt people,” but that doesn’t absolve us of the impact our actions or lack thereof have on others. The line between perpetrators and those who have been harmed often becomes a circle, but again, at some point it has to be broken so all can begin to heal. I fucked up. I didn’t hold myself to my own standards and principles as an abolitionist and person who exists in this world, and ultimately failed and hurt people I love and care about. While I may have had my reasons, I cannot disregard the clear pain I have caused or enabled. I’m truly and deeply sorry. I tried my best during all of this. Those who know me know I am open to, and ask for, criticism of my behaviors. I am open to hearing from those who feel harmed by me, if they are willing to reach out. I also understand there are many dynamics at play that may make people uncomfortable with reaching out, and that’s okay. I promise to learn from my mistakes, and improve going forward.

.Restating call for healing and transformative justice

I hope the true intention reaches the hearts of other members of the Black Abolitionist community in DC in earnest: to encourage an opportunity for healing and transformation that is inclusive, and feels inclusive, for all members of the Black abolitionist community. While I am overjoyed to see the beautiful displays of community and comradery that have been seen in the movement in recent weeks, there are others, who are not Justin or M, who have been left out. Again, I can only speak to my personal principles as an abolitionist, but I believe healing for all, not just some, is critical to any transformative process in the communities and systems we’re creating separate of white supremacy. I hope members of the ACC don’t see this as an attack, but a statement of my own perspective and experience. I am still willing to share the concerns I have that are still relevant to the process as it had been presented as an independent third-party. And ultimately, I hope thru all of this, we can come together in good faith and try to determine how we can move forward, and potentially find others who would be willing and able to facilitate that work/process. I love all of you so much. All of the pain and hardship we’ve experienced together at the hands of the state and a pseudo-progressive society break my heart as it is. The revelations of abuse and harm, the infighting, and being honest about my role in all of it smash it into pieces. Truthfully, I have been hurting for a very long time, and trying to find a good way to articulate these thoughts to everyone. This probably isn’t a good way, but it’s the only way I know I can start to feel good about anything again.

- Jordy/Janey/Baggy